Bigfoot, Turner and the Frontier Thesis

Bigfoot, Turner and the Frontier Thesis by Paul Ewing

Dedicated to James Tillich, The Man Who  Never Existed

In 1893 Frederick Jackson Turner argued that the end of the American frontier was the most significant event in U.S. history.  Shortly thereafter, the first Bigfoot sighting occurred in a logging camp in the Mount Hood National Forest.

Why did Bigfoot choose to appear in 1903 before the applause to Turner’s speech had died down?  To get to the bottom of this mystery, a sasquatch anthropologist interviewed a smelly specimen just outside a wormhole near Still Creek Campground.

When asked, why he chose to appear when he did, Bigfoot answered:

Apparently, Bigfoot is the ultimate academic turf warrior. When Turner announced the “final frontier,” bigfoot took exception.  “These are my stompin’ grounds he said, as he stamped his foot emphatically!

Apparently, Bigfoot’s entire raison ‘d etre (he subscribes to a rationalist ontology) is, in fact,to prove Turner wrong!  In 1980, Paul Ewing encountered bigfoot at Still Creek Campground in the Mt. Hood National Forest.  Ewing screwed up his courage and confronted Sasquatch with the neo-Turnerian-Bigfoot thesis. Sasquatch stomped his feet, clearedhis throat with several harumphing sounds and said the following:

To see video previews of  this encounter click on:

Last but not least is the Ewing thesis, a real ontological hair-raiser.  Ewing argues, clearing his throat–ahem–that Paul Ewing is Bigfoot. And Bigfoot is Paul Ewing.  All pantheists would agree, right?  Perceptual realists chime in too; “What you see is what you get.”. When you look into the Bigfoot, the Bigfoot looks into you. The following picture, to Ewing, is “smoking gun evidence” that his thesis is accurate:

“There is a Yeti in the back of everyone’s mind; only the blessed are not haunted by it.”

–an old Sherpa


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